You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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