:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
