...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
