Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.