I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"