Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.