So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
