So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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