I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Green mimosas i think yes
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
