Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
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And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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