My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
