I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
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Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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