This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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