Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
