i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Randomize
