Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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