just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
