i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
