I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize