The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday