Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.