just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...