a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Send help, water and tortillas.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night