The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
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Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
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Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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