its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
