I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize