Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize