textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
