i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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