i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
