Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We have started to decorate penises.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
