And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
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I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
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Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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