We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
