It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.