Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
handjob tips. give me some.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go