Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
