she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
