Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
third nipple confirmed
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize