I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
