You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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