One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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