I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
not ubering you a puppy