Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!