man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
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why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
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having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.