I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
15 Times â€śFlight of the Conchordsâ€ť Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell