the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.