How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
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DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk