he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
