wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I want her autograph on my taint
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
