Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize