remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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