My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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