Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
