mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
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