Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it