I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
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It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.