I'll bet she douches with gravy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
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I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
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My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.