I'm going to jail i love you
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.