i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
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theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Can I color on your dick again?
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I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.