New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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