my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
