If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
