Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Two words: blizzard sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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