Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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