if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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