he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
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when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
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I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
His nipple licking is glorious
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