Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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